Nicole Sudyka And Jenn Ficarra Are “Hotter In Person,” But It’s Not Just Because Of How They Look!

Dating in 2021 sucks. There is no other way to put it, honestly. Join me, Nicole and Jenn as we venture into honest conversation about feeling empowered sending nudes, how low the bar for is right now (hint: it’s on the floor), taking control of our sex lives, navigating dating apps, getting ghosted and a ton of other hot gossip. Grab a glass of wine for this one; you’re going to need it!

Nicole Sudyka is the host of the Hotter In Person podcast, where she talks about everything love and lifestyle.

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Nicole Sudyka And Jenn Ficarra Are “Hotter In Person,” But It’s Not Just Because Of How They Look!

…It’s Because The Vibes Are *Immaculate*

I have two very hot ladies joining me all the way from LA. They are Nicole Sudyka and Jenn Ficarra . They have their very own podcast called Hotter In Person. They basically came up with it on a whim during quarantine, during a discussion that they’re both just hotter in person. They’re truly spectacular people. They are funny and witty.

Their podcast is on point talking about a lot of dating issues that we face in our 20s and 30s. They offer a lot of insights into the female brain and a lot of really what goes on behind the scenes. Gentlemen, this will be a great episode for you as well. We go pretty in detail here, so I will say under eighteen audience, discretion is advised for this episode, which means you know we’re going to get into some tea. I hope you enjoy this episode.

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I am joined by the hotties from Hotter In Person podcast. Nicole and Jenn, welcome to the show. How are you?

I’m still hungover from the birthday party. It’s the first time I had real glam. I was like, “I’m fucking hot. I’m beautiful.”

You were beautiful and you looked so good. I couldn’t breathe when I saw your pictures.

She looked so good.

I’m not ugly. I’m just poor.

That’s it though. We are not ugly. We just don’t have the money to be pretty.

Jenn, was she hotter in person?

Yes. She looks amazing. That was my first time drinking with Nicole so now I know what I’m in for.

I was going to say that is probably quite the experience.

It was blocked out by dinner.

I’m happy. Do those things that you had on your ears make it back home?

Honestly, I have no idea where the ears went. The hair came with me. I was excited. I love this hairstylist, Glen. He was like, “I knew you would want to be a host so I brought you hair extensions.” I was like, “Yes.”

We love the hair. That’s awesome. Tell me about this theme of your birthday. It was so cool.

Jenn got me hooked on the books. They are called A Court of Thorns and Roses. One of my friends had already read it, and then I’ve got all my other friends on it. We have all become so fucking obsessed with it. I was like, “I’m doing my birthday party on this theme.” Everyone went above and beyond because I was buying decorations on Amazon and my one friend is like, “I will get a decorator.” My one friend is like, “I will get you glam.” One friend is like, “I will get your nails done.” I’ve got cool nails. They’ve got a face painter and glitter. I was like, “I have never been so special.”

I feel like with LA parties, you guys love a theme. Here, there will be a theme, some people will get dressed up for it, and then other people will wear their F leisure. It’s not that important. It’s not that somebody enforces it but there, you love a theme and I love that.

The glitter that I’ve got to put in the drinks were drugs because I don’t know what happened. We were all sober. It was like fairy wine.

It weeds out the bad ones real quick if you set your boundaries. Click To Tweet

Tequila was blue so when we would do shots, I was like, “It’s blue. It will be sweet.” In my mind, I’m like, “Blue, candy, sweet.” It was tequila. I would do these shots every single time like, “It’s going to be different this time.” No, it was straight blue sparkly tequila.

I’m into this. Any escapades or what?

There was. My Italian stallion.

I have seen it and it legitimately is. I’m scared.

When I had that hoe hair in, I was like, “I’m going to take a nude of myself with this hair covering my tits.” That’s always why I wanted long hair to cover my tits in photos. I sent him one. He sent me a voice note back and the Italian goes like, “I can’t wait to see you. You are so hot.” I’m drunk. I was trying to send a voice note back to him and it goes, “What do I say?” I sent the fucking voice note and I’m like, “How do I delete this?” I sent five of them being like, “How do I delete this?” Finally, I figured out how to unsend the goddamn clip. I wanted to die.

Was this on Instagram?

Yes.

You were sending the nudes on Instagram, that’s bold. That’s a great segue. I wanted to talk about nudes. We all have the same philosophy about nudes and we do it because we love ourselves, not for validation. Are you scared when you are sending nudes? Do you think to yourself, “This is going to get out?” Are you okay with it because your body looks so good?

If my nudes got out, it would be the best thing the world could see.

I don’t put my face on them. I try not to put my face in it and then I’m also of the mind of like, “I am a woman making a conscious decision to take this photo. I’m proud of my body and this photo.” If someone wants to be an asshole and leak it or if it’s somehow got out, God bless because you are all lucky to witness it.” I feel like that’s how you have to think of it. I love taking them. They make me feel so good. I love when I send them and I get a good reaction. If this is something that makes me feel good, I don’t even want to think about the negative part of it. I almost feel like I cross that bridge if you ever need to get to it but it’s also like, “You are welcome.”

Not talking about a sex tape but are we past the whole revenge porn thing with regards to nudes do you think? Are women like us is okay if it gets out because we are happy?

For me too, like, “God didn’t give me these tits for them to be hidden.” Even on drunk nights with my friends, everyone knows my tits come out. I’m like, “Titty shots.” Everyone is taking titty shots between my tits. Honestly, if they’ve got out, sorry mom. I have sent some very porn-y ones but I try to make them more classy. There’s 1 or 2 that I would probably fucking pass away if that got out but it’s to people I trust.

Gauging who you are sending it to as well. What you are sending and to who makes a difference for sure. I wouldn’t send a vagina to someone that I didn’t trust, tits for days. If I go to Europe, I will go to a topless beach and let them free. For me, boobs don’t mean anything but vaginas I will select it for you.

I don’t think I could. One ex was like, “Send me a picture of your vagina in the mirror with your legs spread open.” I was like, “Absolutely not.” That is where I draw the fucking line. I am not just a vagina person.

You are like, “I can’t even look at my own.”

That’s where I draw the line for my nudes. I do have a line.

I like to have a love-hate relationship with my vagina so I don’t want to photograph her.

She’s camera shy. It’s okay.

 

I feel like porn has made me hate my vagina and I feel like I need to be nicer to her.

We do. I agree though. Whenever I have taken a picture of my vagina, I have one labia that’s a little bit further out than the other so I cover that one with one finger. I’m conscious about the one labia.

I don’t look like what they are watching on Pornhub, but then no guy has ever done anything other than worship it. It’s just me and my own head. It’s like, “Who told me that?” Nobody.

That’s what I’m saying. I don’t think any guy has ever been like, “One of her labia is slightly bigger.”

Also for me, when I watch porn and I see a girl’s vagina, I don’t want to send the photo because when I look at it, I’m not that hot.

I am into gay porn. I don’t know why but I like seeing two dicks.

In gay porn, I love a threesome.

I do two lesbians because I feel like the girls know where to go, whereas the guys don’t know how to touch a woman in porn. My brain is a weird thing.

It’s okay. I accept you.

Sometimes I’m like, “I need to watch two women getting close.” When you are watching a guy going down on a girl in porn, you are like, “She’s faking it for the camera. There’s no way that feels good. He’s like a dog licking it. There’s nothing happening at a finger at a little rhythm.” The women know what they are doing.

If you look into passionate lovemaking or something like that, that type of people that are in love, that fantasy of porn, that’s when they eat that well. I don’t know if I can say the P-word on my show. I haven’t quite figured it out but I haven’t decided. I have been saying the F-bomb ten times. It doesn’t matter. Kitty, that’s an ugly name, too.

Is it eating the peach?

We were drunk and I was like, “Your meow meow.”

I have said that before, too. That’s so silly. We should just say pussy and be done with it. That’s it. It’s a weird word. You know this story because we have chatted before. I did have a nude leaked one time on Twitter. Thank God, somehow if I google my name, it doesn’t come up. I don’t know how that didn’t keep traction. I was texting with this former NFL player. I sent him my boobs. He got mad at me because I was posting screenshots of our convo and how needy, obsessive and weird he was being. He caught wind of it and someone sent them to him. He got revenge by posting my boobs. I immediately called my mom because I was freaking out. I was so worried she would see it.

The epitome of who I don’t want to disappoint is my mother. I don’t care about anyone else except for my mom and my dad. She was like, “Stephanie, don’t worry. You have amazing breasts.” What a great reaction from my mother saving the day. I was bawling my eyes out and she made me feel so much better. It got taken down almost immediately.

I don’t understand how that reaction is comparable to you posting screenshots of your conversation. I will never understand how men think how they escalate it that way.

That is completely unacceptable. You are correct. Apples are not oranges but that to him was smart. He’s a man-baby. Pro athletes, in general, are men babies.

They are used to being coddled and worshiped. When they don’t get their way, they want to throw a tantrum.

Not necessarily pro athletes but anyone celeb-wise and DM flighting, have you guys done a ton of that?

You shouldn’t be giving an ounce of energy any more to someone who’s not giving it back. Click To Tweet

No, I’m too scared. I shot my shot once on a dating app and I wanted to die. I was texting Jenn like, “What do I say to this guy?” She gave me a list of pickup lines to say. He’s an actor. I sent him my Wi-Fi password and I was like, “Save this for later.” He never replied. I never even got to finish my pickup line. This is the last time I ever shoot my fucking shot.

That was on Hinge?

No, another app. Even on Instagram, most people go to your request. I still would probably, for months would be like, “No, he hasn’t opened it.”

How about you, Jenn?

I will slide into any DM. I don’t even care. I matched with an MLB player years ago on Bumble and we went back and forth for a while but he played in a different state. He’s engaged with a baby on the way but we would Snapchat, sex and text. Some verified guys come in my DM sometimes but they are never guys that I’m interested in. It’s always the guys that I’m not interested in who gets in my DMs. I don’t care. I will slide into anyone’s DMs.

My thing is if I’m on a dating app and you put your Instagram handle in your thing, I’m not going to match with you when I’m interested. I’m going to go DM you. You are either going to walk the walk or not. You have it there for a reason so let’s see. It’s weird because I will slide into any DM and be like, “What’s the worst that can happen? They never respond.” I’m not that chill when I’m dating people.

I’m the same. I’m very emboldened when I’m initiating the contact. There’s this guy I have been talking to back and forth. He’s on TikTok. That’s how I found him. He has a podcast. He’s local in Houston. He’s attractive, age-appropriate and a sweet guy. He thinks like me. He’s very intentional with the whole dating experience. He was asking me for advice about this girl he had gone on a date with. He was like, “Do you think she is giving me the brush off or is this a legit excuse?”

I was giving him some advice. I ended up being like, “You and I should go on a date.” I was like, “Why not? This guy seems cool.” He was like, “Can I take some time to think about it?” I was like, “It hurts.” He’s trying to see if he’s ready for me. I feel like men are like, “I’m only going to date her when I’m ready to get married. She is like a fucker marriage person. No in-between. She’s not just going to fuck me so I have to be sure I’m ready for this first day.”

I’m trying not to take it personally so that’s how I’m thinking about it but keeping in mind that he always talks about being so intentional with dating and his motives for dating. He has got a son. He’s serious about his son. When he had his son over the summer, he took the whole month off social media to be with his son. I would shoot my shot. I’ve got ruthlessly shot down but that’s okay. I don’t feel embarrassed. I was like, “I am totally fine giving you online dating advice and being your online friend.” He was like, “I’m not going to take days. I just want to be intentional about it and think about us.” It’s a yay for me. It’s embarrassing.

At least you dare to do it. That’s what I feel sometimes, too. I would rather say what I need to say or go for it and have an answer than wonder like, “What if we could have clicked but I was too shy to ask him out?” As much as I do abide by the like if he wanted to, he would, sometimes some guys are shy and get in their own heads, too.

There have been times where I have had crushes on guys and years later, they would be like, “I had a crush on you too.” I’m like, “Why didn’t you say anything? I could have avoided all this therapy I’m in.” Sometimes some guys are a little bit more in their head about dating than the ones who aren’t just trying to fuck around. The guys who are serious about it can sometimes be as neurotic as we can be about it.

I feel like they always admit that when they are engaged and about to get married.

“I had a crush on you.” “We could have fallen in love and had a love story for the ages but okay, great.”

My guy best friend for years started dating this girl. I was very welcoming of her. I was like, “Come to my birthday party.” I was super nice. She didn’t like me. I was like, “Why is this girl does not like me? I’m super nice to her.” Slowly but surely, he picked her and we fell apart. We did everything together. We went to the movies, baseball games, football games, basketball games and dinner all the time. He came over to my house for Christmas with my family.

We were super close. We never touched physically, just friends. I was like, “Why is she jealous? I don’t understand.” During COVID, he got drunk and admitted to me over the phone. He was like, “I was in love with you.” I was like, “You had eight years.” My family, everybody was like, “He’s in love with you.” I was like, “He’s totally not.” He never indicated that ever, not once. He’s like, “Why do you think I always made time for you?” I’m like, “It’s because I’m cool. I’m fun to be around.” I understand why the girl was so pissed because she intuitively probably picked up on the fact that he was formerly in love with me. You’ve got to shoot your shot shit.

It’s because then you will wonder, “What if?”

Honestly, I don’t think he and I were meant to be. He’s engaged to her. They bought a house together. I’m super happy for him but I will never be invited to his wedding. He talks to me on the GL. When we had that big fucking freeze down here in Texas, everybody was out of power. I hope she doesn’t read this. He happened to be here during the freeze and stayed with me. It was cold so we stayed in the same bed. Nothing happened. I would never disrespect another woman like that regardless.

I would never disrespect him because then it probably would fuck up his relationship. He was like, “I’m on the phone. Don’t talk.” I’m like, “Shit, I hate this.” I would be a hell of pissed if I were her but on the other hand, I’m like, “We are not doing anything. He’s just here because he doesn’t have anywhere to go. He’s stuck here.”

 

It’s not the act. It’s the omission. It doesn’t matter that you guys aren’t doing it. This is not me attacking you but I’m saying I don’t know why guys are incapable of being upfront and honest because if he’s like this with you, I’m guaranteed he’s like this with other facets of his life. They are already starting the marriage on an uneven foot.

He is one of those people that don’t want to step in the shit ever. He wants smooth sailing.

I don’t have to go step in the shit to get cleaned my friends.

He won’t ever read this. I don’t know if she will.

What if he does? Leave him.

Have a talk with him about being honest with you because he and I have had our friendship steady going. Since he opened up about being formerly in love with me, we have talked pretty regularly but it’s always when he’s away from her, I’m like, “You are engaged to her.”

It’s not fair.

I feel guilty and I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to lose him as my friend permanently but on the other hand, I’m like, “I don’t want to do this to her either.” I don’t know. I’m stuck.

You do nothing and continue living your life.

She has her man. They have a house. She has a ring. She’s good. Jenn, I know you moved to LA. Are you in culture shock? How are you feeling?

Absolute culture shock. I had another moment where I was like, “I live here. I’m playing home.”

To tell everybody, you were living in New York.

I left my family and my closest friends to chase a dream out here. Number one, there’s not easily accessible bacon, egg and cheese on a bagel. My roommate has a cat and he’s feisty. I’m Italian and a word that’s in our vernacular is skutch, which means an annoying person. In the Tri-state area, skutch is a known word. I have been calling this cat a skutch and I’m like, “She’s looking at me. I used a foreign word.” It’s so different. I don’t know yet if I’m cut out for LA.

That’s okay. You have all the time. I wanted to ask you, when guys hear that you are from New York, are they like, “This is some voodoo magic.” All of a sudden you become this sexy girl.

I’m like a new toy. Hearing that I moved here, they are like, “Fresh meat is in town.” When they hear New York, they are like, “I love that New York attitude.” I was like, “It’s not an attitude. It’s just who I am but I’m happy to give it to you.” I’m a shiny new toy. I probably have that. I need to cash in on that before that will fade. I’m like, “I just moved here.” I don’t need to say when not too long ago.

It’s the Italian New Yorker thing, too. It’s like the combination of the two. They fetishize that a lot. I wanted to talk about this whole exotic thing. I have been talking about this for my Hinge stuff because the pickup line for every fucking guy I come across is, “What ethnicity are you?” Even better, “What nationality are you?” I’m like, “I have a US passport.” “Are you a US citizen as well? That’s amazing.”

I always answer it most sarcastically. I literally say like, “I’m American.” They are like, “You look so exotic.” I almost feel like it’s becoming, I don’t want to say racist because that’s too much but I can’t even figure out something in between there. It’s a fetish about being exotic or not looking your typical American, which I don’t even know what that is anymore. I get all kinds of stuff like, “Are you Jewish? Are you Armenian? Are you Greek? Are you Persian? You are Arabic. You are Lebanese.” I’m like, “You could guess anywhere in the world.” Maybe except for Scandinavia. Have you experienced that, Jenn? Do you get guys all the time that are like, “You are so exotic?”

Not so much in New York because I look like every other female in New York. When I went to school in Boston, I’ve got a lot of like, “Are you Italian? Are you Indian?” I get Persian and Spanish specifically. I used to be like, “I’m a stegosaurus.” How do you want me to answer that? I’m very proud. To be an Italian American is like a joke that an Italian can’t be in a conversation with you without telling you they are Italian as evidenced by this show. Guys would love to be like, “What are you?” I was like, “I’m a human being. What are you?” I have gotten it a few times. Not as much but it’s happened.

Nicole, for you, the other way around, I know that you have been “traveling” around Europe from your phone. Let’s tell everyone your goal with dating international men.

You don’t need to sleep with somebody to get them to like you. Click To Tweet

I want European citizenship so I can spend my summers on the yachts in Europe like the South of France and Italy going around. That’s my goal.

You might be able to get European citizenship depending on your lineage and country of origin. They all have different roles.

I want a man.

Maybe all three of us need to go and tear it up in Europe. I feel like that would be smart.

If I had a child with my Italian stallion, those children would be so beautiful because he’s tall, dark and handsome.

With that stallion sausage.

I am sick over it. I have never seen a penis.

Paired with his voice, it’s so sexy. It’s like, “You are so hot.” I’m like, “Daddy, talk to me.”

You need to get him to fly you out.

First-class also. Don’t play coach.

He said he was going to come my twenty-year-old ones to come to visit though. He’s making plans to come to visit.

In Croatia? We like him. He’s fun.

A little young but I’m glad to see a guy make an effort to want to come to see me. The continued conversation is what I’m most shook by. I’m like, “Hot damn. You are more mature than men my age.”

I have had people follow through and come to visit me. It’s blown up the two times that it’s happened. One guy was from New York. He works for Brooklyn PD and came to visit me. We have been talking. I met him physically in person in late 2018. I was at a bar and I accidentally stepped on his feet. That’s our cute meet. We ended up talking. He is sexual but also super funny. He was in a relationship for part of the time. We had stopped talking and then started talking again. He finally came to visit me and everything was going pretty great. He got a phone call. Something had happened with his dad in his health.

He had to leave almost immediately. He only was there for barely 24 hours. There’s an emergency going on so I don’t expect anyone to be like, “I landed.” It’s fine. I’m not like a baby. Twelve hours had gone by, I was expecting to hear like, “How is your dad? Is he alive?” He ghosted. I was like, “What the hell?” After that, months later, he starts talking to me again and I’m like, “Your signals are confusing and I’m not into it.” I left him on my restricted inbox and don’t mess with it.

I don’t understand men. They love to say that women are complicated. We are very simple to figure out. It’s so easy. The bar is on the floor and men still managed to not be able to meet it. It’s insane and genuinely mind-boggling.

Do you guys find yourself encouraging the bar to be so low sometimes because you are used to that? For example, a man 24 hours before the date confirms your date and we are like, “What a gentleman?” That’s common fucking decency to do that but yet we are surprised.

I went on a date. He confirmed the day before with time and place. I was like, “He’s so different. He’s such a man.” Flash forward, the bar is on the floor. That was the bare minimum you could do.

 

Remember I was telling you, I had the state but I was going to go on. It didn’t happen because I messaged him. Back story, this is a guy that I had dated. We had gone on 6, 7 days, maybe more than that. We have hung out a bunch of times, got along well, had the same political views, vibe out well and had the same interests TV-wise. We watched a whole season of American Horror Story together. Right as we were getting to the part where we were probably going to switch to boyfriend-girlfriend, he got cold feet and was like, “I’m depressed. I’m not ready for a relationship. I am not good enough for you.”

He was kind about it. I was like, “You are going through it. No big deal.” We remained friendly. He had reached out to me saying he wanted to spend time with me. I said, “I would be happy to go out on a date with you.” We set the time not the place. The day rolls around and I was like, “Do you still remember my address or do you need it?” He’s like, “I thought we were going to go to eat.” I was like, “You want to go eat in two different cars, and then come back and watch a movie at my house. Are we going to be in two cars? That doesn’t make sense.”

I already know him. He has already been to my house ten times. He hesitates to respond. I was forward with it. I set my boundary and was like, “To confirm, this is a date. This isn’t a hangout or whatever.” He’s like, “My bad. I didn’t know it was an official date.” I’m like, “What the fuck?” I hang up. I don’t know if he was planning on getting laid or what but I immediately was like, “I hope you understand that I have to set my boundaries. I can’t spend time with someone who’s not committed to going on a date with me.” He’s like, “I totally understand that.” That was the end of convo. At least it weeds out the bad ones really quick. If you set your boundaries like that, it weeds them out.

We are not on a hangout. We are not in high school.

I hate that word. “Do you want to hang out?” “No.”

Even if it was a hang-out, you guys can still drive to dinner together. What the fuck?

I want to hang out with my friends because I don’t have to wear makeup. I can keep on my cozies and be my full self. We are not hanging out. It’s either a date. I’m putting on some glam, dressing up and putting effort into the way I look or we are not going out. We are not doing the happy medium. It’s convenient for them because if you don’t put the label date on it, then there’s no pressure to say that, “Are we dating?” Grow up. The Spice Girls said, “I want a man, not a boy who thinks he can.” That is my dating mantra. There are no more men. There are only boys who think they are men. I’m sorry. I’m so heated because I am waiting for a man to text me and I’m getting angrier the longer I’m sitting here.

I totally feel your pain. There’s nothing worse than those days where your phone is here and you are just waiting.

I’m like, “Do you like me and you are not just a big texter you don’t like texting or are you indifferent about me?”

There’s one guy who likes me, who is in LA, funnily enough. He’s a doctor. I met him on TikTok. He’s great. He only likes to talk on the phone. Sometimes I need to fucking unwind because as you guys know when you are talking all the time, creating, being on camera and the phone all day, you don’t want to be on the fucking phone. We were on the phone for seven hours. I didn’t even realize it because it was fun but I don’t want to do that every night.

Once is good. I said, “You are a shitty texter.” I even said that right out to him. He laughed because he has a good sense of humor about it. I was like, “I cannot be talking to you on the phone. I’m eating dinner.” Sometimes I eat dinner and I’m catching up on work or watching one Netflix show that I have the time for. He wants to talk on the phone. He doesn’t initiate the conversation. He just sits there.

That’s different if it’s an engaging two-way phone conversation but if you have to also hold the conversation, that’s like, “Just let me be.”

I’m so bad with being like, “I’ve got to go.” I would be like, “Can you say you have to go soon?”

One day I was like, “Can we hang up? You can send me a voice memo through iMessage.” We did that and that was better.

I love all forms of fucking voice notes. It’s talking on the phone without the pain.

Whenever I get the green bubble, I’m like, “I can’t voice note you. What do I do?” They are like, “We can get on WhatsApp.” I’m like, “No.”

“WhatsApp is for my European boyfriends.”

That’s only if you are out of the country.

“You are American. You don’t deserve my WhatsApp.”

Don’t be afraid to bet on yourself. Click To Tweet

Plus, I’m shit about checking my WhatsApp. I need to be better about it.

I don’t even think I have the app anymore.

I turned all my notifications off. When I check my phone, I’m surprised if I have a text message, WhatsApp or Instagram. I’m like, “I’ve got texts.”

That’s a good tactic for you for this guy. You should silence his texts. Swipe in put the little moon, and then it will be a surprise.

It’s my favorite thing.

I want somebody to want to text me. It’s like, “I thought we had such a good connection.” I’m like, “Can I even trust my intuition? Is my gut broke?” I don’t know anymore.

I am a firm believer in the fact that it’s not you. It’s him, for sure.

I’m amazing. I don’t get it.

You both are the whole package. Anybody who can’t get it together for you is not ready for you. That’s how I feel about myself, too. I feel like those who want me but can’t deal with it are not ready. That’s fine. They are not for me. It sucks. Do I cry on Christmas Eve? Yes, every fucking year.

I cry myself to sleep probably once a week.

I would totally cuddle with you.

It sucks because I feel like we have so much love to give somebody and I don’t understand. I was having this conversation with a friend. I don’t understand why it seems so easy for so many other people and I routinely fail or nobody is banging down my door, wanting to date me or us. It’s like, “What the fuck? What are you looking for?”

I have been divorced for years. I’ve got married super fucking young. Some people are getting divorced and they are finding the love of their life within 1 or 2 years. I’m like, “I have been divorced for many years.”

My ex, when we broke up, we were going back and forth. He ended up getting with the girl. He was like, “Don’t worry about her. I would never date her. She’s in my band.” Flash forward, they are married together and I’m like, “You told me you didn’t want to find someone. You needed to be alone, but then you find someone and here I am like, ‘I want a boyfriend. Can I have one?’” I’m like, “How does that fucking work?”

Is this the one that said he doesn’t need your nudes?

Yes.

Let’s tell the audience about that because I find that whack.

He was the one who was like, “I don’t need your nudes because I have the real thing in person.” He also laughed the first time I put on lingerie and surprised him. There is that. He did apologize but scarred for a hot minute.

 

The Hawaiian guy who fucking scarred you from I love you. We don’t like him either.

Not I love you, you are just shooting my shot.

You say I love you to someone. Who was it? I forgot.

I said it to my ex because we were together for three years. The Hawaiian man at the bus stop in London on Edgware Road and I was in a leopard fucking fur coat. He looks at me and goes, “Nicole, you are a cool girl. I just don’t like you like that.” I’m like, “You fucking hooked up with me. Go fuck yourself.” Flash forward the rest of senior year, we hooked up on and off. I’m like, “Go fuck yourself.” I will never shoot my shot with a man again.

Did you sleep with him because you thought that would fix stuff?

My ex, 100%.

In your twenties, did you guys do that?

Yes. When I and my ex broke up, I thought sex would get him back. I would text and be like, “Let’s be friends. We can fuck. I have no feelings.” Meanwhile, I’m like, “It’s going to make it work.”

It’s like, “We use sex as a tool.” We all love gift giving as our love language so we thought that somehow giving sex to these men would make them love us.

I’m like, “He could still feel the connection. He’s going to love me.” Dear God, it makes me cringe.

It makes me cringe, too. I thought that if I didn’t have a man, I wasn’t a woman. Somehow that defined me as a woman. I would constantly try to buy them stuff, do stuff for them or make their life easier in some way. Were they doing anything for me? None. Was I even cumming during sex? No.

My one psycho ex that lived in Chicago was insane. He had a trust fund, but then he would be like, “I have no money for food. I need you to order me dinner tonight.” I would Postmates his dinner. Meanwhile, I’m a broke-ass fucking college student and then he’s like, “You didn’t buy me a fucking dessert. Go fuck yourself.” I’m like, “I’m sorry.” He’s telling me he’s fucking other girls and I’m like, “He will love me because I’m nurturing him.” It’s so nasty and vomitable.

Did you do that, too, Jen? You are shaking your head like you are over enough.

I used to sleep with guys knowing that they only wanted to hook up with me thinking, “If I hook up with them enough, they are going to wake up one day and realize I’m fantastic.” I’ will wear them down because I didn’t have the self-love to think you shouldn’t have to wear somebody down. They should either be upfront fuck yes about you. It took me forever to realize I shouldn’t be giving an ounce of energy anymore to someone that’s not giving it back. That’s why I’m waiting for this man to text me but I’m also like, “I haven’t heard from you since Saturday.” For me, my boundary is like, “Are you a good texter or are you just indifferent about me?”

It has only been two dates but I know that I’m interested in a third. “If you are not, tell me that. Be upfront about it. You don’t need to kill me with silence. Tell me.” I’m so heated. I genuinely felt like a connection with him that I have never felt with anyone before. I was like, “This is going to be something.” For it to turn out the same way that all of the other insignificant assholes have turned out, I’m like, “What am I doing wrong?” All my tarot TikToks were like, “He’s coming back. He’s going to text you. He’s your soulmate. I’m sensing air sign.” The answer is I know nothing but I know enough that you don’t need to sleep with somebody to get them to like you.

If you have had two successful dates in a row, to me, that is enough to know if you want to develop a relationship with someone.

I never had that so I wouldn’t know.

I feel like when I was in high school to mid-twenties, I had successful small, mini long-term things a bunch and guys were never hesitant to commit to me at that time. As I have gotten older, it’s been fucking impossible to get anybody to commit. I’m like, “I’m not even looking to get married and have babies or whatever right away. That’s not in the plan. I just want someone to hold, love, give my love to, spend my time with and bring on family vacay.” That’s what I would like to do but the ones that are out here in my dating pool or the ones that I have found are not ready for it.

Do you know what’s annoying, too? I feel like some people say, “You are being too picky. Maybe adjust your standards.” I’m like, “You didn’t have to do that to find the person you are with. Why do you think I need to do that to find someone?” I don’t agree with, “You should be less picky. Change your expectations or your standards.” I’m like, “You didn’t have to do that. Why do I have to do that?” I don’t believe I have to do that. I know it’s going to hurt until I finally find that person. It’s taking so damn long.

Never let a man make you feel like you are not worthy of being loved. Click To Tweet

The old adage of, “You find them when you are not looking,” is bullshit. That’s when you are maybe 25. When you get to 30, you need to actively be participating.

My eggs are fucking dimes. Sorry. I am fucking looking. I feel like there had been times when I haven’t looked and when I have been looking, neither work. I’m like, “I’m just going to do me. If that’s fucking sending nudes to my Italian stallion, then it’s fucking fine. Until whatever comes along, I’m going to do me.” Mr. Right will come along. Knock on wood, I fucking hope so.

Is the Italian guy younger or the other guy?

No, he’s older than me. I’m like, “He’s a perfect pancake.”

If you want something sexy in Italian to say to him, I would be more than happy to oblige. It’s funny because I grew up and learned Italian from my grandmother and my mom. They never taught me sex words. They never taught me how to say P-word, your meow meow.

How do you say, “I want to fuck you so badly?”

There are a bunch of ways to say fuck. Fare l’amore is making love. Trombare is to fuck. Ti voglio is I want you. Scopare is another way to say fuck. Voglioscoparti is I want to fuck you. There are a bunch of different ways to say fuck.

I want a man speaking a foreign accent whispering sweet nothings into my ear.

His voice is so hot when he played it. I was like, “Replay.” You are like, “Help. How do I do this?” Thank God you didn’t hear that.

When I was in this relationship with this Italian guy who didn’t speak English when we had sex, it was awkward sometimes because he would be talking to me, which was hot, but then I would be like, “I want to say things back but he won’t understand.” I had to learn it eventually. I was like, “How do you say dick? How do you say suck your dick or giving head?” To say suck your dick is pare pompino. That’s the word for it, pompino. It’s such a grody word.

I crack up. We were fighting in Italian, too. When we would get in fights, I would end up cussing him out in English. He was like, “I don’t understand you.” I was like, “I don’t care.” It’s hard to be in a relationship with a guy with another language. At least your guy speaks a little English. That’s great. That’s good to know.

Even if the only sex in English, I feel like that’s all you need, Nicole.

Let’s talk about Hotter In Person, your baby and podcast. Let’s talk about the inception of how it came to be and then how you executed it.

My best friend from high school is Nicole’s best friend from college. We always tangentially knew each other. We have also both hooked up with the same guy so that overlaps. During quarantine in 2021, we started our own TikTok liking pod. We started liking videos, and then we would send them to comment, then it escalates to DMs.

Eventually, we were going back and forth lamenting about our pathetic dating lives. We are like, “This would be a podcast. This is so good.” We would throw around titles. I said to Nicole, “I look better in person. I’m hotter in person.” Then it was like, “There it is.” We had plans to launch it, and then we made all the social media. All of a sudden, I look one day and there’s another Hotter In Person podcast. I was like, “This did not exist last week.” Some girl had a podcast with a different name and then she, all of a sudden, changed it. I’m of the theory that she saw our social media somehow and changed her name because she thought it sounded good.

The best is she will tag stuff and sometimes tag us. I’m like, “You are so dumb. You are not even tagging your own podcast.”

She can be nice. Weirdly, stuff launched, and then she created her so it was like, “Nicole, we need to record this immediately.” We were like, “We are doing it.” All of a sudden we were like, “We have to do this every day.”

Did you watch YouTube videos? How did you figure out how to put together a podcast?

 

Thank God for, Jenn. Jenn figured it out. We are like, “We will get a mic and record on Zoom.” Jenn does all the back thing.

I’m a writer. In terms of story structure, we need an opening, a beginning, middle, end, and natural segues between topics. It can’t just be like chat. You have to somehow bring the audience on the journey with you. I knew how to do editing from film school. We jumped off the cliff and we are like, “We will figure it out on the way.”

That’s awesome because I have had this equipment all set up for one year. I had a failure to launch thing. Maybe it’s one of those like imposter syndrome, fear of success, all of that psychology thing. I don’t know which one it was but I was so scared to start. I ended up talking to my friend who also has a podcast. She recommended that I hire a podcast company to help me with what I needed to get jump-started.

I’m such a type A, not necessarily always in my personal life but with my work. I wanted it to be perfect branding. The branding was consistent, everything looked the same and it was executed correctly. That’s where I was hesitating. I should have done like you. I should have better done than perfect for me at all times. For some reason, I didn’t. I couldn’t do it. Here I am. I’m hoping to launch it. I want to put you guys on either the 5th or 6th show. I want to warm them up before I go at them. If my mom reads, she will die.

There’s strategy involved. It’s six one way half it does in the other. When you are way more prepared upfront and get all of your ducks in a row, it probably makes it easier down the road. We are at a point where we are like, “We need to figure some of this shit out. How do you get sponsors? What is our branding like?” It depends. We were cooped up and needed an outlet. I’m such an I need to have it all ready before I go person that I try to actively jump and figure it out. It’s like I have to force myself to do that.

If we waited, I start sometimes getting into my head being like, “Am I stupid for starting a podcast? Many other people out there are doing it. Who am I to think like I’m going to be able to quit my job and do this full-time?” You get such your mind, too. I’m glad we started because then I would be like, “What are we doing?”

You both are excellent at it. Jenn, you steered the conversation, created the structure and provided funny anecdotes. Nicole, you come in and expand on everything that Jenn has put into place. You weave and tell the story. You guys have a cool dynamic going. It’s easy to listen to because you are so fucking hilarious and relatable. Don’t you ever listen to some people and immediately have to turn it off because it’s jarring to your soul?

Sometimes it gives me anxiety and I’m like, “I have to turn this off.”

You are soothing enough to where I could chill, be in bed and listen to it. I like that.

I feel like we’ve gotten some feedback where people are like, “It was like drinking a glass of wine with my girlfriends.” I was like, “That’s what we want. Put it on while you are driving or cleaning.” We don’t need to be the main focus of your moment. We are here to support you.

I feel like so many women our age, younger too and older probably go through what we are going through and never talk about it. They are so embarrassed to talk about the fact that they’ve got shot the fuck down when they asked a guy out.

At our age, no one talks about it. Jenn and I are our only single friends. You talk about when you are younger but once you hit your 30s, people aren’t talking about as much the struggles of being single when all your friends are getting married and on their second kid. It’s much different than when you are in your twenties and you are single because now it’s a little bit more serious. I haven’t found a podcast where you click with that or isn’t the same. They are always like, “It’s so easy to go on a date.” I’m like, “Fuck yourself.”

My Hinge one-month subscription was up. I don’t think I’m going to pay for that again. That’s where you can get as many matches.

I boosted my Hinge.

Did you get any good stuff?

I’ve got 60 likes so I’m still weeding through them but it’s not as much. I boosted in New York and gotten hot for 24 hours. I was like, “I’m going to get hundreds here.” I’ve got some. I was talking to this one guy and I was like, “I’m new to LA. What are some places I need to go to?” That’s my opening for you to be like, “I have a favorite taco spot. Let’s go.” He was like, “You are so new. I know some good places here. Text me.” “I’m not going to text you. I’m going to unmatch you. It’s too much effort and works for this.”

I hate when they immediately go to, “Give me your number right away.” I hate it because it puts me in a position of either I give them my number, we continue probably to talk for two minutes, and then he’s probably not going to talk anymore or you say no, and then it fizzles. You are fucked when they asked that early. You are like, “How do you know you want my number three sentences in?”

Unless you set up drinks and stuff right off the bat then I’m like, “Fucking take my number,” but if we are going to sit here and be like, “How was your day?” I’m like, “Go fuck yourself.”

Let the voice inside your head be louder than the opinions outside of it. Click To Tweet

It’s always the same thing. I don’t even drink. It’s not because I’m sober or against alcohol. I just don’t like it. When they are like, “Let’s go for a drink,” I’m like, “My profile states that I don’t drink. I understand that you don’t read.”

The bar is on the floor. Take notice of what is in. Why can’t they even read the profile? I’m drinking and I’m heated.

The bar is low. “Read my fucking profile. It’s all there.” I have there that I don’t even like coffee. I don’t care for it. I put it on there, “I don’t care for coffee.” They are like, “How about coffee instead of drinks?” I’m like, “Again, I don’t drink that either.” I’m not being difficult. I’m like, “I put it all out there for you to see before you match with me.”

This will all be good for our memoirs one day. One day we will be happy and in relationships but it’s a slog to get there. It’s a lot. It’s a minefield.

We’ve got to kiss all the frogs to get that prince.

We watch movies. Nicole, you probably don’t give a shit. You are like eyes of seal and no tears but maybe Jenn. I cry at the romance in movies.

On my period, I will start tearing up if it’s like a cheesy romcom. I have been there.

I have an emotional range of 4 to 8. If I am lower than a 4 or higher than 8, I’m crying. I cry so easily. It doesn’t even matter what it is. It can be a car commercial. I’m a weeper. I cry.

I am, too. I was watching this Netflix show called The Politician. I don’t know if you have seen it but it’s Emmy-nominated. It’s fucking good. It’s got Gwyneth Paltrow, Bette Midler, Ben Platt, who was in Pitch Perfect. He’s a good singer. I forgot who else. It’s got a bunch of cool people in it. It wasn’t even like a tear-jerker type of show but when I was watching it, I was crying. I was taking my pillowcases. I didn’t have tissue. I ran out. I was like, “My eyelash extensions are going to come off.” I was holding onto my eyeballs. I was PMs-ing but I would still have cried.

When I finished ACOTAR, the third book, I was bawling my eyes out at 2:00 AM crying.

I need to read these books.

You have to. Join the cult. The first one is good. Second one is amazing.

It’s out of this world. My friend got me the signed book and I freaked out for my birthday.

Is there love language also like gift-giving? That’s a great gift. I was talking to this guy about his love language. I know it’s always physical touch for them almost all the time but I feel like they want to throw in another one before the physical touch because they want to clarify with you that they are not always about physical touch as a disclaimer. He was like, “It’s quality time and physical touch.” As he was saying it, I was mouthing it to myself. I knew he was going to say it. I feel like men are so one-dimensional when it comes to dating sometimes. It’s ridiculous. I can predict everything that they are going to say from your exotic to my love language is physical touch.

It’s so boring. “Physical touch, you like to be hugged. You’ve got a personality, don.”

“You don’t like to be hugged.”

I feel like physical touch is the fake one. Physical touch isn’t real. Everybody likes to be shown affection.

There are some people that I know don’t like to be touched. That’s the thing.

Do you like to be touched, Nicole, in a relationship, hugged and all of that?

 

Down the line, touching, in general, makes me uncomfortable. I don’t hug my friends or my family. It’s not me. It takes me a bit to get down to, “Let’s hug or kiss.” Fucking I’m all for.

You are like, “Fuck me, just do not touch.” Note to self, when you and I meet, I will refrain from the hugs until you approach me with a hug.

I’m an anxious person. When I go on dates, the part that gives me the most anxiety is when I have to say hi and bye to them because I’m like, “Do I have to hug?” That’s what I freak out about like, “I do not want to hug you. If I get there first, do I have to stand up and hug you?” Some people kiss you on the cheek and I’m like, “I’m going to fucking kill myself. Is it 1 or 2 kisses?” I literally worked myself up for so long before. That part I’m like, “I wish I could text him and be like, ‘Please, let’s not hug.’”

In the spirit of honesty and boundaries, maybe you fucking should. “I’m not down for hugs.” Is that weird? It would make it weird.

I’m like, “Please, don’t touch me.” That’s why if they are like, “I will pick you up,” I’m like, “Car hugs are uncomfortable. I would rather fucking die.”

You have the console in between you so maybe it’s less likely to be a hug in that situation. I’m a hugger though. My family is all touchy and feely. We massage each other’s backs. We hug. We say, “I love you.” I know, Jenn, your family is like that, too.

I love being touched. Hug me, squeeze me, kiss me or choke me, whatever you want to do. Nicole is the exception, I suppose. You are right in that. Once you get feelings for someone, you like that. When you are dating someone and you feel something for them, I feel like everybody likes to be shown affection. When it’s like, “Physical touch is my number one,” I’m like, “You don’t have a personality.”

I feel like they are so one-dimensional when they answer that because truly, what I’m hearing is you like quality time. That’s what I’m hearing when I hear them say physical touch. That means spending physical time together. You have to translate everything. I do want to ask you guys one more question each. Nicole, we will start with you. If you saw your twenty-year-old self, you could talk to her and tell her 1 or 2 things, not hug her because maybe you wouldn’t want to but if you could talk to her, what is something that you would say to her?

I would say never move anywhere for a man. No matter how much you love them or care for them, never move any fucking way for a man unless you are getting married, it’s different. I lived up my college years but fucking lived it up. Your parents’ credit card goes away pretty fast. I always tell my cousins to study abroad and travel. When you are young, it’s such a different experience than once you get older. You are free and young in a different country.

How about you, Jenn?

I feel like I would tell her two things. I would say don’t be afraid to bet on yourself. I lived in a fear scarcity mindset for a long time. I feel like I’m living how I wish I would have lived in my early twenties with taking risks and betting on myself. The second one is never let a man make you feel like you are not worthy of being loved because I feel like I would let their actions make me think like, “Maybe this is as good as it gets. Maybe I don’t deserve what my friends have. Maybe all I’m ever going to get is the guy who just wants to fuck me.” That’s a big one.

My personal one is very similar and it’s never let anyone dictate what you think about your own self. Essentially, that’s the same thing. Even other women too, there have been other women throughout my life that have fucked with my mind because I sometimes take more offense to the women over the men, now especially. Before, I probably would have taken more of a hit if it was a guy because it was always about my parents like, “She’s fat.” I would die but now I’m like, “I don’t care what you think.” If a woman says something bad, I’m like, “Why don’t you like me?”

I feel like the older we are getting, it’s about letting your opinion inside your head be louder than the opinions outside of it. Hit you with all therapy. That’s what that says to me. It’s about making sure that what you think of you is the loudest voice for you.

That is an amazing note to end on, ladies. Thank you so much for being here. It means the world to me. I know that you have taken a lot of your time out for me. It has been so fun. I hope that we can do this in person. Everyone, go check out their podcast and their Instagram or their social media. Nicole and Jenn are doing big things. It’s only going to go up from here. Thank you, guys. I will talk to you so soon.

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That’s it for this episode. I hope you enjoyed my chat with Nicole and Jenn. They’re such fun girls to chat with. I honestly think I’m going to go visit them, and we’ll have a recap of everything that we spoke about and fully do it all day. Thank you to those ladies. Please go hit that Subscribe button. Like, comment, share this if you think it’s share-worthy. Go ahead and subscribe.

Also, please go ahead and leave me a review. It really helps me out. I appreciate everything that you guys do. I love hearing your comments and questions for the next upcoming shows. If you have any questions for the ladies, you can find all their information on my website. If you enjoyed this episode, you will absolutely enjoy their podcast for sure. Until next time, I’m sending you love. Stay well. I will see you soon.

Important Links:

• Jenn Ficarra
• Nicole Sudyka
• Hotter In Person
• A Court of Thorns and Roses
• Hinge
• TikTok – Hotter In Person Podcast
• Third book – A Court of Wings and Ruin
• Second – A Court of Mist and Fury
• Instagram – Hotter In Person Podcast

About Nicole Sudyka and Jennifer Ficarra

Nicole and Jenn are the brains behind the Hotter In Person Podcast. Conceived after a conversation about how they’re both “way hotter in person”, the podcast aims to explore love & lifestyle topics we all love but through a deeper lens. Like someone who looks fine on Instagram but shines in real life, there’s more to love and life than what we talk about on the surface. Hotter In Person releases new episodes every Thursday. Follow @hotterinpersonpod on Instagram for all the latest updates.