Well, Houston fans…the Texans season has come to its bitter end. It’s been an incredibly tough couple of months for our city and the team’s loyal fan base. After many heated debates over social media, I often found myself turning my phone on silent every Sunday to avoid all the negative tweets and texts about my beloved Texans.


Houston Texans Introduce Bill O'BrienBut despite all the injuries, the bad decisions and the unavoidable loss of Gary Kubiak after seven seasons, Texans owner Bob McNair has an ace up his sleeve. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and that is the acquisition of new head coach, Bill O’Brien. Needless to say, O’Brien has swiftly axed several coaches from the old guard, including offensive coordinator, Rick Dennison, and defensive coordinator, Wade Phillips. It has yet to be determined who O’Brien will bring on in the DC position, but all bets are on his former New England Patriots colleague, Romeo Crennel.


Now, the real quandary that remains, of course, is the matter of the franchise quarterback. With the eminent departure of “Bearded Schaub,” do we exchange our first round pick in favor of a potential trade? Or should we take our chances with Aggie superstar, Johnny Manziel, and attempt to build around him? Could he stay healthy as an NFL QB? What about Blake Bortles, who just entered the draft a few days ago? O’Brien is still tight-lipped on the matter.


What we do know are the three qualities that O’Brien will require above all else in his new quarterback:


One. Throw the ball accurately.


Two. Make good decisions, both on and off the field.


Three. Be intelligent and have a great football IQ. O’Brien says, “If he can’t learn it, he needs to play another position.”


In addition, we know that Coach O’Brien is all about those two buzzwords: “adaptability and accountability.” He will adjust his game plan and plays to fit the mold of the team’s opponents precisely, and not forge on with an original game plan that may no longer be relevant.


Overall, the addition of Coach O’Brien is an A+ decision by Mr. McNair and Rick Smith. O’Brien is no stranger to adversity, and already possesses the attribute Houstonians are best known for… resiliency, even during the worst of times.



Photo Credits: CBS Houston

It’s a bittersweet time of the year.

The biggest football game of the season is on Sunday, but it is also the last one – the Super Bowl. For either the Ravens or the 49ers, a dream will be realized sometime late Sunday evening in the Louisiana bayou. For the loser, they will feel somewhat like the rest of us casual/hardcore football fans…

Sad. Lonely. Lost. 

Saying to themselves, “Sh*t.. now I have to watch the NBA?!”

But do not fear, there is a way to survive this awful time of the year – better known as the NFL offseason. Here are some suggestions.

1. Watch some old games – bonus if they include Brett Favre.

I’d suggest this even during the season, I mean watching old Brett Favre games on TV .. lets just say without DVR these games may hit four hours and I’d have to see a doctor .. I mean I mean it’s BRETT FAVRE. But anyway, if you’re a fan of a team that had a good season – what better way to kill some of the long offseason by re-watching an old game on a Sunday? Unless you’re a Chiefs or Jaguars fan.. then you might need to watch a game from the late 90’s or just focus on maintaining your lawn.

2. Spend time with your wife/husband/significant other

2. Play Madden 2013 on the Playstation 3 or Xbox360 In stores now! (CHA-CHING!)

3. Take a vacation…. Via a giant bus!

Planes freakin’ suck. And you get to your destination way too quickly! Take a bus, you won’t regret it.

4. Experiment in a kitchen with some crazy genetic splicing.

How do you think I created a turkey with a chicken and duck stuffed inside of it all while having the aforementioned turkey have like 15 legs? I was bored in the offseason. Hello!

5. Drink a LOT of beer.

Though you should probably do this during football season too. You know what goes great with beer? Ace Hardware. No no.. Outback Steakhouse.. yeah that’s the one. Either way the more you drink, the more likely your days will morph into another and then next thing you know – hey hey, football!

So you see folks, if you follow these five steps – the offseason will fly by and before you know it… SEVEN LONG MONTHS will have passed and we will have football back.  After dealing with the agony of having nearly THIRTY weeks without football, it will just zip on by, zip on by….. and after watching a lot of basketball and baseball and ten minutes of hockey – football will return!

Damn it.  The offseason sucks. 

@FauxJohnMadden is a satire Twitter account created in 2009 by a 25-year old Seattle Seahawks fan, stranded in Albuquerque.  He now is 28-years old and still a Seahawks fan, which is a sad story that can be told some other day. 

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